Not so very long ago, there lived a young man named Hans. One sunny morning, Hans decided, "I think I'll go visit my mother today!"

His mother was very happy to see him. "Hello, Hans, my dear!" she said. "Here, take this shiny needle. It's a good gift."
"Thank you, Mother!" Hans said. On his way home, he passed a cart full of hay. "Hmm," thought Hans, "this hay looks so soft. I'll put my needle in here so it doesn't get lost." And he stuck the needle right into the big pile of hay.
When he got home, his mother asked, "Hans, where is the needle I gave you?"
"Oh, I put it in the hay cart, Mother," he said proudly.
"Oh, Hans!" cried his mother. "That's not clever! You should have stuck it in your sleeve!"
"Next time, Mother, I'll be cleverer," said Hans.

The next time Hans visited, his mother gave him a sharp little knife. "Be careful with this, Hans," she said.
"I will, Mother!" Hans remembered what she said about the needle. So, he carefully stuck the knife into his sleeve. Of course, the knife cut a hole in his sleeve and jiggled about.
When he got home, his mother saw the knife poking out. "Hans, Hans!" she sighed. "That's not where a knife goes! You should have put it in your pocket!"
"Oh," said Hans. "Next time, I'll do that!"

So, the next time, his mother gave him a frisky young goat. "This is a fine young goat, Hans."
Hans thought hard. "Pocket!" he remembered. He tried his best to stuff the little goat into his big pocket. The goat wiggled and bleated, "Maa-maa!" and it was a very tight squeeze!
When his mother saw him struggling, with goat legs sticking out of his pocket, she shook her head. "My dear Hans, you don't put a goat in your pocket! You should have led it with a rope!"
"A rope! Of course!" said Hans. "Next time!"

Next, his mother gave him a big, tasty piece of bacon. "This will make a good meal," she said.
Hans remembered: "Lead it with a rope!" So he tied a rope around the bacon and dragged it all the way home. Woof woof! Some playful dogs saw the bacon bouncing along. They thought it was a game! They chased it, nibbled it, and by the time Hans got home, the bacon was all gone!
"Hans!" exclaimed his mother. "Where is the bacon?"
"The dogs ate it, Mother. I led it with a rope, just like you said!"
"Oh, Hans, you silly boy! You should have carried the bacon on your head!"
"On my head! I'll remember that!"

The next gift was a young calf. "This is a strong calf, Hans."
Hans knew just what to do. He lifted the calf – Mooo! – and put it on his head. It was very heavy! The calf kicked and wiggled, and Hans wobbled all the way home, trying to keep it balanced.
His mother couldn't believe her eyes. "Hans! What are you doing with that calf on your head? You should have led the calf to the stable and tied it up!"
"Oh dear," said Hans. "I keep getting it wrong."

So Hans tried to lead the calf to the stable. But the calf had other ideas! It pulled free from Hans and galloped away into the fields.
Hans ran after it. He ran and ran until he came to a little house. A girl named Gretel was looking out the window.
Hans stopped. He looked at Gretel. Gretel looked at Hans. Hans thought Gretel was very pretty. He tried to make friendly eyes at her, winking and blinking.
Gretel didn't like it. She thought he was being very silly. She grabbed a small wooden stool and, whoosh, threw it at him! Bonk! It hit Hans, but he didn't mind too much.
He went home and told his mother, "Mother, I'm going to marry Gretel!"
"Marry Gretel?" said his mother. "Well, Hans, you need to be a bit cleverer if you want to impress her family."

Hans tried his best. On the wedding day, he wanted to look rich and important. So, he stuffed his pockets with cheese and big chunks of bread. He even spread honey on his hat so it would look shiny and new.
When he arrived, Gretel's family thought he looked very strange. Bits of cheese fell out when he bowed, and flies buzzed happily around his sticky hat.

After the wedding feast, Hans said loudly, "I must go to the barn and count my money." But really, he didn't have any money to count. He just went to the barn and sat on a bench, feeling a bit shy and not knowing what to do.
Gretel wondered where he was. "He must be working hard, counting all his riches," she thought. She wanted to bring him a snack. She found a net full of round, purple turnips.
She tiptoed to the barn and peeked in. She saw Hans sitting there. "He looks tired from all that counting," she thought. So, she gently threw the net of turnips towards him.
The turnips tumbled out of the net and rolled around Hans's feet. He looked up, surprised. "What are all these buzzing things?" he thought, mistaking the round turnips for big, noisy flies.
He started waving his hands. "Shoo, flies! Shoo, shoo!" he shouted, swatting at the turnips on the floor.
Gretel stared. "Flies?" she whispered to herself. "He thinks my lovely turnips are flies? Oh dear, he's not clever at all! He's completely silly!"
And with that, Gretel turned around and ran away as fast as her legs could carry her, leaving Hans alone in the barn, still shooing his imaginary flies.

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